JUDY EMERSON Author and Personal Coach

Me again. I feel the need to apologize for the next sentence, but this is important.

I received my first “dick pic” yesterday.

I did not invite it, but someone felt the impulse to share the image with me. It’s unfortunately a common phenomenon on the internet these days.

Dicks are pretty standard equipment for about half of the world’s population, so nothing surprising there. But when someone—whether the actual owner of the pictured appendage, or maybe a person who wishes to own said appendage—decides to BE a dick—well, that’s a choice. The sender seemed to want to provoke a response. Their imagination is the main event for them. It’s all going on in their head, not in mine.

I’m pretty sure my reaction to the image was not what the sender had in mind. Probably they expected the receiver (me) might be startled/ shocked/ titillated/ angered/ aroused. Or??

But… no. My first thought was: Is that the best you’ve got?

To the sender: Your anonymous reach across the vastness of the worldwide web with such an intrusive non-sequitur is only a weak attempt to exert power you don’t have. You play the sexual trope, but your message wasn’t about sex at all. You wanted to be noticed. But I don’t imagine you’re listening.

What you’ve actually revealed to me is your deeply wounded sense of self. I’m betting you’re attempting to mask ancient pain by flashing a picture of a piece of meat. It isn’t working for you.

All humans want connection. There’s a whole lot of dis-ease in human experience, and much of it has to do with not feeling “seen” by others. We want to know that we matter to someone, hoping to ease the isolation, to assuage our old fears. We crave love, because maybe that will help us feel safe. If we don’t feel loved, sometimes we settle for someone just noticing us. Even if that noticing prompts disgust.

I wasn’t disgusted. I was saddened by how alone you must feel.

And I said a prayer for you. A prayer for all of us, that we might experience the healing that enables us to see and recognize the real value in ourselves, and in one another.